The Time Has Come...

...For me to blog again.

I'm just a mess. I've got so many thoughts bouncing around in my head. All I want to do is:
A) paint.
B) sleep.
C) go home and crawl into my bed and have soup and just recover from this semester.
D) go back to Atlanta and goof off with the boy.
E) GO HOME.

I love Lee. Don't get me wrong. But today (and the past few days for that matter) has just been a little season of missing home. I miss Nashville, I miss Franklin. I miss swimming holes and Fusion and (gasp!) FHS. I guess I'm just burnt out on school and such. But I miss home. Miranda Lambert has this song out called "The House That Built Me." It makes me bawl everytime I hear it because I've grown up in the same house for 15 years, and because Franklin "
built" me. People laugh at how much I talk about Nashville. But I truly do miss it. And love it. It is my hometown.





<< Me in the first few weeks of college.

>>Me and Court (I'm on the right) today.


I am almost done with my first year of college. This freaks the tar outta me. For multiple reasons. I've grown soooo much! But it's just weird. Because I guess it really hasn't set in that I'm in COLLEGE. I'm almost a SOPHOMORE in COLLEGE. In THREE YEARS I will have my own classroom. Wooooa.

I'm almost done with my first year of college. That's so strange. No longer am I going to be a freshman, but a sophomore. It doesn't seem like that big a difference, but at the same time, it seems like a WORLD of difference. It's really really strange. I guess it's so strange because I am making decisions everyday that affect the rest of my life. Freaky.

I've changed SO much in the past 9 months. It's really kinda strange and sometimes makes me nervous that I'm not being true to myself, or that I'm going to let someone down by changing. But I feel like it's change for the better. I feel like I am growing, even though sometimes I have to take steps backward first, in order to take giant leaps forward.

Top Ten Things I've Learned During My Freshman Year (so far):
1. I am a clean person. (My parents thought I was kidding when I said this. But I'm not. I'm an extremely clean person now that I'm living on my own.)
2. It's never too late for a Steak and Shake run....
3. ....or a Krispy Kreme run...
4. ....or a Taco Bell run.
5. a 4.0 IS possible.
6. Time management is KEY.
7. Find a quiet place where you can be alone. Visit that place everyday.
8. Professors do care.
9. Adventuring, by yourself or with others, is a really fun Sunday afternoon activity.
10. You can never ever ever visit WalMart too many times in one week. (I think my record is 4 times in one week.)

Of course, there are serious things that I've learned as well. There have been ups, and there have been downs. There have been insanely frustrating moments, and there have been moments when I want to leap for joy. It can get really really tiring, all these ups and downs. But it's such a rush. It's such a thrill, getting to experience college and life on my "own."

All in all, I am thankful. All in all, I wouldn't trade college life, and this past year, for anything in the world. The Lord has been FAITHFUL and GOOD. He has seen me through rough times and great times. And it is by His strength and love that I live from day to day.

I can't wait for the summer. I'm not just saying that because I'm ready for school to be out, but I know that the Lord has big plans for this summer. :) And I can't wait for Him to reveal those plans!

Oh, Life.

GOD IS SO GOOD.
GOD IS SO GOOD.
GOD IS SO GOOD.

His loving kindness and overflowing mercy astound me.
He is so good!

I'm back at Lee for my second semester of freshman year. I feel so much older. More mature. Stronger. It's strange.

But I did go through that phase this past week of feeling "lost." I realized I hadn't picked up a brush in months, or read just for the fun of it, or baked, or gone out shooting for photography, or taken a walk, or anything like that. And I missed it.

But now, I'm in Franklin for the weekend. I've only been here a few hours, and I already feel filled. My Franklin tank was getting low. It's full now. I'm laying in my bed, listening to Andy McKee, eating Cheeto Puffs, and blogging.

My idea of a fantastic Friday night.

Something nags at my heart, however. Plays its strings, and calls out from a deep place. I'm in my literal home. My parents are down the hallway, and I'm laying in my bed in my room surrounded by memories of my life before college...but I know deep down inside, in my heart of hearts...

I'm not home.

Because home is a place on the other side of this planet. Home is a little mud hut, surrounded by other little mud huts, surrounded by the Father's love and the Father's presence. Home is a one-roomed church/school house filled with hundreds of little bodies singing praises to the King.

Home is where the heart is.
And my heart isn't here.
It's in Africa.

So now, I embark on this interesting journey. Well, more like continue on it. But with a different flavor. Because after I got back from Malawi in the summer of 2009, I knew that I wouldn't be going back.

Or so I thought.

But tonight, something drew me to those pictures. And something twisted my heart. And something called me home.

I fall on my knees. And pray. Hard. Because if the Lord IS calling me back, there have to be a lot of things that happen in a very short period of time. Money has to come in, schedules have to open up, and a spot on the team has to open up.

But if it's His will, He will make a way. Because HE WORKS EVERYTHING OUT FOR MY GOOD.

Lately, I've been praying for Dad's will to be done in different aspects of my life. With my new boyfriend, with my Sophomore year at Lee, with my summer...

But then, something dawned on me. I have given the Lord a coloring sheet and a crayon and kindly said, "Please color this section, this section, and this section in your will. But stay in those sections.

Now I am giving Him a canvas and a paintbrush and asking Him to paint the CANVAS OF MY LIFE in a beautiful rainbow of colors. Because I don't want to compartmentalize. I want Him to be moving, living, breathing, flowing into every nook and cranny of my crazy life. I want to overflow with His love...and give Him all the glory for everything He does.

I wait. I pray. I journal. I cry. I laugh. I dance. I sing. I hope. I love. And I dream.
I am clay in the Father's hands, destined for greatness.
Let His will be done.

Shameless Plug

Graduated with this guy.
Now he's at SAIC, totally rocking face.

Here's the link to his blog.
Czechitout.

Prone To Wander...and Wonder

The past few days have been a challenge. The past few weeks have been a challenge. The past few months have been a challenge.

But I've loved almost every minute of it.

I've especially loved the minutes that I remember that I have a Heavenly Father who cares enough about me to provide for my every need. My need to be loved, my need to be encouraged, my need to be held and whispered to....all of them! And man, does this move me to tears.

Because honestly, I'm really not a good Christian. I have a tendency to wander and wonder. I wander away from the God that I so dearly love and I know so dearly loves me. I wander into the arms of earthly things or people, looking to them to fulfill my every need. But they cannot- they are earthly beings, fallen children just like I am.

I wonder at what God is up to. There are many moments that I get frustrated because I can't see the big picture. There are moments that I just want to hurry up and graduate college and start teaching and get married and live in Africa and have a family and live happily ever after. And there are moments that I wonder on a more short term basis....I am not patient, and when I see that God is taking His sweet time unfolding something for me, I like to hurry it along. But usually that winds up in something going wrong.

So I'm learning. I'm learning to trust, and allow Dad to love on me and take me into the desert place and speak tenderly to me, like Scripture says in Hosea. It's hard sometimes because God isn't always tangible. I am really affectionate. That's my receiving love language. I love hugs and kisses and hand holding and snuggling. But since the Lord isn't here physically, I can't always feel Him hugging me or holding my hand or dancing with me through fields of wildflowers.

But I know He is.

When the sun shines on my face, or the wind blows my hair, I can't help but think, "I bet Dad's thinking how beautiful I am right now. Look at how my hair sparkles in the sunshine, or how it dances in the wind. He is so enthralled by my beauty!" And this makes me so excited.

Then there are those moments where I am enthralled by HIS beauty. The fog lifting from the mountains in Chattanooga, or the stars here in Franklin the other night, or those precious little chocolate-colored faces that swim into my night time dreams and my day time dreams quite frequently...they all captivate me because they are such a perfect picture of God's love and His beauty.

A very important person has recently stepped out of my life, and I've been really having to rely on Dad to carry me lately. There are moments when I feel physical pain due to this loss. There are moments when I can't help but to break down and cry. There are moments when I ask God "Why?" and there are moments when I want to undo everything that happened. But I was reading on Katie Davis' blog the other day about how when someone steps out of our life, and we feel that pain and heartache, that MUST be how Christ feels when we lose sight of Him. It says in Scripture that when the Shepherd loses just one sheep out of 100, He goes looking for it. Sometimes I am that sheep. Most of the time, I'm embarrassed at the place He finds me in. Not literally, but heart-wise. Sometimes other things have taken over His throne, and I am ashamed. But He lifts my head with His hand, looks into my eyes, picks me up, and carries me Home.

I am the Prodigal Daughter. I am the Lost Sheep. But most importantly, I am a Daughter, a Warrior, an Heir, and a Princess. I am His, and He is mine.

Once Upon A Time...

...I used to blog more.
...I was a high school student.


But now. Now I'm not a high school student. No longer do I have a principal, a locker combination to remember, or my own bedroom. Now I answer to college professors, enjoy sharing a 9' by 14' room with one of my best friends, and have about 48 different numbers, passwords, and usernames to remember.

But boy howdy, DO I LOVE IT.

I'm at Lee University. I get along with this place like peanut butter and jelly get along. It's beautiful. It's nestled right in the middle of las montanas (or "the mountains" for all you non-Spanish extraordinares out there), the people here are INCREDIBLY God- breathed, and the Lord thrives on this campus.

College is a little weird, though. No longer am I surrounded by the people that helped me be "me." I know that first and foremost Christ, and my relationship with Him, defines who I am. But in a sense, you can't help but to cash in on what others say about you, think about you, and act toward you. At home in Franklin, I was Amberly, the Africa-loving, sweet pea, art freak. Now I'm Amberly the....

It's a clean slate, is what it is. It's completely exciting but insanely disturbing at the same time. I get this EXACT feeling staring at a literal blank canvas before a painting. There are so many different directions that I can go. But I feel that tug toward the "known," toward my past, toward my roots. I know that I'll remain faithful to my roots for the rest of my life, to one extent or another. I'll always love kids and have a really, really, really, really big heart for other countries, most specifically the continent of Africa. I'll always feel absolutely perfect with a brush in my hand and Ray LaMontagne on my radio.

But now, now I'm in a new culture. Gone are the cowboy boots and cowboy hats. Gone is the Pancake Pantry. Gone are the TPC Youth Kids. Gone are my parents (well, not literally GONE, but out of my everyday life). Gone is the Nashvillian Culture. (Isn't it funny that you don't realize how INSANELY AWESOME a place is until you leave it?) Gone is my bedroom. Gone is my house with all its little creaks and groans in the night. Gone is my favorite bookstore, with my favorite overstuffed sofa. Gone are my backroads that provided therapy for so many frustrating days. Gone are my carpool buddies that would accompany me in a lively (and very off key) rendition of "Gone" by NSYNC.

And in their place are beautiful trees. New people. New family that lives within 30 steps of me (and shares the same bathroom that I do). An insanely amazing boyfriend. Fantastic opportunities to positively impact the world around me for the glory of the Father. Beautiful parks. An "adoptive" mom and dad that live 20 minutes from here. Freedom out the wazoo. Cleveland Culture...which isn't as awesome or inspiring as that of Nashville, but still offers some interesting opportunities. Free food. And lots of it.

So in short, I miss home. But I love it here, and I know that the Lord has me here for a reason. I love love love Lee. There are definitely tough days, but I'm gonna have those anywhere. But here, the fantastic days far outweigh the tough days.

Top 10 Memories So Far:
1. Meeting my boyfriend in the ID line.
2. Party in the USA music video making.
3. Girl's Nights
4. Spending more time (and money) at Wal Mart than ever before.
5. Seeing yellow butterflies EVERYWHERE.
6. The sunsets here.
7. Meeting more people than I could ever imagine in the span of about 49 minutes.
8. Having professors tell you their testimonies.
9. Having professors remind you that they're praying for you.
10. Learning that you really DO change freshman year.

Top 10 Things I'm Looking Forward T0
1. THANKSGIVING BREAK!! (Dalton, Mississippi, extended-family meeting, food-consuming...)
2. Christmas Break! (Franklin, Gatlinburg, hot-tubbing, cookie making, girls nighting...)
3. Small Groups the rest of the year
4. My art classes next semester
5. Tutoring elementary schoolers next semester
6. Spring Break
7. Urban Outreach Weekend 1 and 2.
8. Skype dates with Neens and Em.
9. Continuing to teach my kindergarten Sunday School class.
10. Even MORE baking parties.

So here's to you, College Adventure. I love you so far!

Ps--- This is my shameless plug for Em, my seestar. She's going to North Africa this Spring. CHECK IT OUT: http://emifaye.blogspot.com/

Nashville, Malawi, and Everywere In Between.

I have returned!

I've returned from Malawi, and the month of chaos that followed. And here I am, basking in the cool(er) weather here in Middle Tennessee in my pajamas, drinking sweet tea.

Malawi:

WAS INCREDIBLE. No, that's an understatement. But OHMAN, did the Lord move. We saw about 5 people come to Christ, and a few of us got the chance to talk to some of the kids about Christ. I was able to talk to my little friend Sarah about Jesus- it was so encouraging, and so cool!

We got delayed in Nashville. It's really funny when you think about it, getting delayed before you even start the race. But we hung in there, and eventually made it to Dulles, our second stop on our 3 day journey. The president and his wife came out to see us off:

After Dulles, we arrived(after a 7 hour red-eye flight) in London. We didn't get to go out into London this year, due to being delayed in Nashville. But we had fun in the Yotel again...

After the Heaven of the Heathrow airport, we left with heavy, down-trodden hearts. The pits of Hell awaited us, in the form of the Nairobi airport. No air conditioning, LOTS of people, not very much English, and nothing really to do. The airport is about a football field's length long, and I could about stand in the middle of it, and touch the sides. It's pretty narrrow. I start feeling sick just thinking about it. We had a delay here too. Of about 3 hours.

And finally, after another flight of 2 hours and sitting on the tarmac in some strange city in Zambia for 45 minutes, WE MADE IT TO MALAWI!

We retrieved our bags, and came out into the parking lot (that brought back a FLOOD of memories from last year) to find the youth from Capital City Baptist Church (CCBC) waiting for us! They helped us load up our luggage, and we were on our way to Kumbali.

It was so crazy and exciting being back in Malawi. It felt like I was home. As we drove through the country, all my memories from last year came back, and I couldn't help but tear up at the thought of the people that weren't in Malawi this year, from our team last year. But I knew that the Lord still had crazy awesome things in store for us...AND BOY, DID HE EVER!

here we are!

In the past month that I haven't been updating my dearest bloggy blog, I've been:

Grad partyin' it up:

This is Will. Enjoying the Chocolate Fountain of Wonder at my grad party.

Praying over my senior class:

GRADUATING:

This is pretty self explanatory. :]

Traveling to Mexico (Playa Del Carmen):

Where my family started out on vacation, but our trip wound up being a mini mission trip. Absolutely amazing. What happened could have ONLY happened through the power of the Lord. I have now found where I want to move to teach. :] After Africa and the inner city.

Seeing Coldplay LIVE here in Nashville:

Then I led a small group of 1st grade boys at VBS at my home church. Now, I had 10 first graders. Who were an absolute HANDFUL, but totally worth it. I got the awesome honor and oppportunity to lead 3 of them to Christ. Such an amazing time!

After VBS, we had youth camp:

Where we had bubble blowing competitions on the bus to camp.

And we did the Everything Skit to the song Everything by Lifehouse. It was pretty powerful stuff, and there were some campers that came to Christ that night! Praises!

And now, after all of that craziness, I am stting in the midst of Packing Chaos in my room. Because tomorrow folks,

I AM HEADED BACK TO LILONGWE, MALAWI.

I am so incredibly stoked, but not so incredibly stoked about my mile-long to-do list, or having to finish up camp laundry so that I can re-pack 7 pairs of socks. But alas, I AM GOING BACK. The flight leaves tomorrow at 1pm. Hot diggity dog, here I come, Malawi!