Friday, February 12, 2010

Oh, Life.


His loving kindness and overflowing mercy astound me.
He is so good!

I'm back at Lee for my second semester of freshman year. I feel so much older. More mature. Stronger. It's strange.

But I did go through that phase this past week of feeling "lost." I realized I hadn't picked up a brush in months, or read just for the fun of it, or baked, or gone out shooting for photography, or taken a walk, or anything like that. And I missed it.

But now, I'm in Franklin for the weekend. I've only been here a few hours, and I already feel filled. My Franklin tank was getting low. It's full now. I'm laying in my bed, listening to Andy McKee, eating Cheeto Puffs, and blogging.

My idea of a fantastic Friday night.

Something nags at my heart, however. Plays its strings, and calls out from a deep place. I'm in my literal home. My parents are down the hallway, and I'm laying in my bed in my room surrounded by memories of my life before college...but I know deep down inside, in my heart of hearts...

I'm not home.

Because home is a place on the other side of this planet. Home is a little mud hut, surrounded by other little mud huts, surrounded by the Father's love and the Father's presence. Home is a one-roomed church/school house filled with hundreds of little bodies singing praises to the King.

Home is where the heart is.
And my heart isn't here.
It's in Africa.

So now, I embark on this interesting journey. Well, more like continue on it. But with a different flavor. Because after I got back from Malawi in the summer of 2009, I knew that I wouldn't be going back.

Or so I thought.

But tonight, something drew me to those pictures. And something twisted my heart. And something called me home.

I fall on my knees. And pray. Hard. Because if the Lord IS calling me back, there have to be a lot of things that happen in a very short period of time. Money has to come in, schedules have to open up, and a spot on the team has to open up.

But if it's His will, He will make a way. Because HE WORKS EVERYTHING OUT FOR MY GOOD.

Lately, I've been praying for Dad's will to be done in different aspects of my life. With my new boyfriend, with my Sophomore year at Lee, with my summer...

But then, something dawned on me. I have given the Lord a coloring sheet and a crayon and kindly said, "Please color this section, this section, and this section in your will. But stay in those sections.

Now I am giving Him a canvas and a paintbrush and asking Him to paint the CANVAS OF MY LIFE in a beautiful rainbow of colors. Because I don't want to compartmentalize. I want Him to be moving, living, breathing, flowing into every nook and cranny of my crazy life. I want to overflow with His love...and give Him all the glory for everything He does.

I wait. I pray. I journal. I cry. I laugh. I dance. I sing. I hope. I love. And I dream.
I am clay in the Father's hands, destined for greatness.
Let His will be done.

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